If You're Lucky Enough
by RipperShipper
Summary: What if the bullet didn't hit Beckett? What if it hit someone else?
1. Chapter 1

If You're Lucky Enough

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of its awesomeness.

Summary: What if the bullet hadn't hit Kate? What if it hit someone else?

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><p>"Roy Montgomery once told me that there are no victories, only battles…"<p>

Richard Castle stood straight and strong over the open grave as he watched Kate Beckett battle through Montgomery's eulogy. He hadn't wanted her to give it. After the turmoil in the garage, despite knowing that Roy had killed the men who wanted Kate dead, Castle hadn't wanted her exposed. He'd told her so that morning, but the look of hurt on her face was enough to keep him quiet and accept that she needed to do this.

"…and if you're lucky enough, you'll find someone who's willing to stand with you."

Beckett turned her head to her partner of three years, her heart swelling with pride and affection for the writer who'd stolen her heart. She'd been a nightmare to deal with the past few days in the aftermath of Montgomery's death and the failed capture of her mother's killer, and he'd been there. He'd been more than there; he'd been amazing. Maybe it was time…but she couldn't think about that now. Reluctantly, she turned her head back to the sea of grieving friends and family before her.

"Our captain would want us to carry on the fight…"

Castle kept in the smile threatening to break through at Kate's acknowledgement. He knew they still had a long way to go before she'd be willing to trust him with a relationship, but it was more than enough for now that she knew he wasn't going anywhere. How could he? He was head over heels in love with his partner and he'd stand with her as long as there was life in his… what on earth was that? Castle's mind was jolted away from his partner by a blinding glint on the other side of the cemetery. He stood up on his toes and squinted in a failed attempt to figure out what was going on. What ever it was, it couldn't be good. A second later, the glare faltered, and Castle's heart stopped as he saw the barrel of a rifle pointed at the love of his life.

"And even if there is…"

"KATE!" Castle yelled as he slammed into Beckett, throwing the two of them to the ground as the sound of a gunshot registered somewhere in the back of his mind. Screams echoed around his pulsing head, but it didn't matter, not as long as she was safe. _"Beckett!"_ He had to help her. Was he too late? Was she okay? He felt for his arms, but couldn't seem to find the energy to lift them. Was he in shock? This was not the time. He had to know though; he had to see her. Why couldn't he see her?

"Kate…?" He asked to the chaos. The voice behind the question sounded foreign to the usually cocky writer.

"Rick, you have to hold still!" Cried Kate. He still couldn't see her, but her voice sounded strong. She was okay. Everything was going to be okay. Castle felt his eyes close in relief, but the second they did, he felt himself being shaken back to reality.

"Rick, stay with me! Please!" Why was she asking him to do the obvious? Of course he'd stay with her; he just had to rest. The adrenaline was just too much. If he could just close his eyes…

"Rick, please! You can't leave me. Hold on!" He felt droplets falling onto his face. Beckett was crying. But she couldn't be, she had to be okay! Castle fought to respond, but the ability to move his lips seemed to have left him. The last thing Richard Castle heard before he succumbed was Katherine Beckett's voice telling him she loved him.

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><p>So, this has probably been done before, but the plot bunny won't leave me alone! Hope you enjoy!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I change my name to Andrew Marlowe, can I keep them?

Author's note: Okay, so I may have made Josh into way more of an asshole than he actually is, but the Kate and Rick in my head hate him with a fiery passion, and I have to listen to my characters, right?

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 2

_The last thing Richard Castle heard before he succumbed was Katherine Beckett's voice telling him she loved him._

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><p>"<em>I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kate sobbed into her hands as she slid down the wall, crumbling into a ball on the cold, tiled floor, It had all gone wrong, so horribly, horribly wrong, and it was all her fault.<em>

"_Beckett open up!" Esposito's voice rang through the bathroom walls and his frantic pulling on the door shook the mirror above Kate's head._

"_Go away!" she screamed. Kate knew she was being hideously childish, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Being mature, strong, and independent had lead her down a three year train wreck on the way to hell…childishness felt good._

"_Beckett, don't you dare. I will take down this door!" Esposito was angrier, but his voice fell softer on the Detective's ears. It didn't matter anymore. There was only one voice that could get her to unlock that door, and by now, it was lying on a slab in the morgue. _

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Kate repeated the mantra into her wet, salty hands. If she said it long enough, maybe the two little words would start to mean something. Maybe if she cried hard enough, she could bring him back._

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><p><em>24 hours earlier…<em>

"Rick…I love you…please…" Kate felt the words leave her throat more than she heard them, but they were there. She'd told him. He was dying, and she'd told him, and…what on earth was that supposed to do? Why did she have to wait so long, how could she be so cruel. "I'm so sorry, Rick…please stay with me…Rick…NO!" She could hear her voice cracking with shrill hysteria. Strong arms encased her shoulders and began to pull her away. "NO PLEASE!" She wasn't sure whether her screams were still directed at the love of her life or at the bastard who was trying to separate them. "LET ME GO!"

"Kate, I have to get through. Baby girl, please!" Lainie begged her friend as she watched Esposito attempt to gently drag Beckett away so the medical examiner to try to save Castle.

"No please! Don't make me leave him!" Kate clawed at her captor, but Esposito held her firmly. His heart broke for her, but he knew what had to be done if they were going to have any chance to save Castle.

"Lainie, go!" he shouted, as he carried Kate out of the fray.

"Espo, please…" Esposito nearly dropped her. Not once since he'd known the strong and savvy detective had he ever heard her beg. "Please let me stay with him…" Her tears were streaming onto his shirt. Somewhere along the way, she'd stopped fighting; too weak to try anything but accept the circumstances and crumble. Esposito held her close, forcing himself to be strong for her. On any other day, they would've teased each other relentlessly for a single misty eye. Now, he almost hated himself for not crying.

"Shh…chica…shhh." His mindless comfort fell on deaf ears, but he didn't care. "He's gonna pull through. He's gonna make it..." He paused, holding in his last thought, _"He has to."_

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><p><em>Alexis Castle sat, shaking in a small chair in the hospital waiting room. She'd separated herself from the rest of the funeral group after what had happened. Even if the things she said were primarily in the heat of the moment, Alexis couldn't think of a single reason why any of the others would want to talk to her ever again. She'd been awful. She couldn't have made a bigger mess out of an already-catastrophic day. Martha tried to calm her down, to make her see sense before it was too late, but she was already too far gone. Her dad was dying, and she couldn't see past the blood-soaked blur that still clouded her vision. What she said was horrid…and wrong…and she'd say it all over again. <em>

_The feel of fresh droplets on her tear-stained face brought everything back for a quick moment. _

"_Daddy…" she whispered to herself as she buried her head in her knees._

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><p>"Castle!" Kate screamed as she ran down the sterile corridor after Lainie and the gurney. Numerous aids tried to stop her, but the adrenaline and fear of the past hour made her invincibly strong. The flat shoes of her police uniform gave her speed. No one was going to keep her away.<p>

A few yards ahead of her, Kate heard Lainie yelling at Castle to stay with her as she pumped his wound, and the ER doctors yelling at Lainie to back off. Still running, Kate felt a surge of pride as the M.E. refused to back down from saving her friend. They were almost at the operating room.

"Ma'am you really can't go inside." One of the doctors pleaded to Lainie.

Kate had caught them by this point and was about to insist that she and Lainie be let through when she saw two figures barreling down the hall towards them. _Josh… _

"What do have?" Josh Davidson asked without looking up, slinging a mask on over his mouth.

"41 year-old male, gunshot wound to the chest, collapsed in the bus." An aid rattled off.

"Alright, let's –" Josh cut off as the aid moved his arm and Richard Castle's pale face lay looking back at him. "Shit," Josh stripped off his gloves, "Someone call Dr. Peterson!"

"No!" Screamed a voice from the chaos as phone calls were made and Castle's body was wheeled into the surgery room. Josh looked up and finally registered Kate's heart-broken face among the small crowd. "No, Josh, you have to help him!"

"Kate, I can't – "

"JUST HELP HIM!" The shrillness in her voice seemed to force Kate to breathe. "Josh, please, you can't do this…" Kate felt her resolve crumbling beneath her.

"I – "

"_Dad!" "Richard!" _

Martha and Alexis nearly toppled Kate over in their hysterics.

"Where's my dad?" Alexis begged.

"He's being prepped for surgery now," Josh replied disturbingly calm, "but we can't start operating until another doctor arrives."

"What on earth are you talking about? My son is dying!" Martha sobbed.

"Josh, what the hell? Can't you…" Kate was screaming again. She couldn't understand why Josh couldn't at least start the operation – conflict of interest be damned. The death glare he sent her at her outburst sent her reeling. _That bastard._ "You son of bitch…" Kate murmured menacingly. She would have killed him if Dr. Peterson hadn't chosen that exact moment to burst through the doors and into the operation room. Nothing was resolved, but now Castle was at least being attended to, and that was something.

"Detective Beckett…" Kate turned her head back to the youngest Castle as Josh snuck away, "What just happened?"

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><p>There were three more pages to this chapter which I've now decided to turn into a different chapter for character's sake. Hope you enjoyed! New update soon! 3<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I would never put these amazing people through the amount of pain they're going through right now on Monday nights, so NO! I don't own them.

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><p><em>"Detective Beckett…" Kate turned her head back to the youngest Castle as Josh snuck away, "What just happened?"<em>

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><p>Kate opened her mouth to answer, but no sound came out. She wanted to answer, she wished she could answer, she wished she could say anything to Alexis other than that her own boyfriend just jeopardized the girl's father's life…but he had. Kate knew Josh was still furious with jealousy after their last fight over Castle's involvement in her life and her reckless investigation into her mother's murder, but she never imagined he'd do this.<p>

"Detective Beckett?" Alexis tried again. Kate just shook her head, her mouth still slack with unspoken words, unbridled anger, and overwhelming fear.

"I'm so sorry, Alexis." Kate managed to rattle off before she took off down the hall. She couldn't talk to Alexis, she couldn't help Castle, but she could confront Josh – in one way or another. She needed to do something.

The walls blurred against her tired eyes as Kate pushed her way back through floods of doctors and nurses, blindly stumbling her way to the lounge she knew Josh favored. Angry voices lashed out at her with every harsh bump against another body, but Kate didn't care. In those minutes, in those seconds, she was helpless; she couldn't stand being helpless.

Kate stumbled through the door to the lounge, sending every pair of eyes in the room towards her. She couldn't blame them. She was a mess. Her hair was mussed and tangled from her clawing at it, her shirt was stained with Castle's blood, her eyes were beet red. Ignoring the stares, Kate practically through herself across the room, grabbed Josh by the shoulders, turned him around, and slammed him into the cabinets, sending his coffee spewing across the floor.

"You asshole!" she screamed, digging her fingers into his arms.

"Kate, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"How could you?" She couldn't tell if she was crying or yelling.

"How could I do what? Kate, I don't understand!" Josh scrambled to get the raging detective off of him, but he pushed her to hard, and Kate's fist collided with his jaw. Josh stumbled, clutching the countertop with one hand while the other instinctively went to his bruising skin.

"You crazy bitch." He spat. Kate's eyes burned into him.

"If he dies, his blood is on your hands…"

"I didn't –" Josh tried.

"_If. He. Dies_." Kate continued, stressing every word and leaning in close. "I'll make sure you never work again. We're done."

Leaving a stunned and terrified doctor in her wake, Kate turned and walked slowly back towards the operating room. Somehow, she didn't feel any better.

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><p>"Gram, what the heck is going on?" Alexis fumed. Her dad was in surgery, his partner had run off, and now something else was clearly horribly wrong. "Gram!"<p>

Martha Rodgers jumped at her granddaughter's voice. Martha knew perfectly well who Josh was – her son rarely talked about his hatred for anyone else – but she'd never imagined he'd risk another man's life out of jealously. As much as Castle hated Josh, he'd always talked about the man as if he was a saint: running off to save the world before Castle'd even had coffee. Now though…

"I'm sorry, darling. What?" Martha asked Alexis.

The younger red head swallowed her snapping comment. She wanted to be angry, but one look at her grandmother forced the reality of the situation back into her face. She was barely holding it together at the thought of losing a parent. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to wonder if your own child was about to die.

"I just want to know what's going on." Alexis replied calmly, forcing a new rush of tears back. "Something's going on, an dad is…, and I'm…, and…"

Alexis felt her grandmother's arms pull her in close.

"Shh, Alexis. It's going to be okay." Martha really didn't want to voice her suspicions.

"That's not what I asked." Alexis replied more forcefully. Martha paused.

"I know. And I know you're smart, and you're worried sick about your dad, but dear, there are some things that are just better left unsaid."

"What do you mean.?"

"Well, nothing, I suppose, but…"

"Gram." Alexis's voice registered firmly in Martha's mind. Who was she kidding, the girl was more stubborn than her father.

"It's just a suspicion, Alexis." Martha tried.

"Well, clearly not if it sent Detective Beckett running down the fucking hall!"

"Alexis!"

"Sorry." Alexis even shocked herself, she never swore.

"I just don't want you to jump to any conclusions."

"I won't." Alexis said a little too determinedly.

Martha walked them over to sit in the waiting room chairs. She needed to keep Alexis calm, and she wasn't sure she could bear standing so close to the operating room for much longer anyway.

"The doctor you saw earlier is Detective Beckett's boyfriend." She said, keeping it simple and keeping her voice level.

"And…?" Alexis replied. Why did it matter who Beckett was dating? The only thing Alexis cared about was why the doctor needed to call in a replacement. Why couldn't he just help her dad? They didn't know each other. There was no conflict of interest. The only thing they even had in common was that they cared about… "Oh."

"Alexis, remember, it's just a suspicion…" Martha had watched the pieces come together in the young girl's eyes and she knew she was headed for trouble.

"Just a suspicion? _Just a SUSPICION?_" Alexis's voice was rose frantically. "How can you say that?"

"Alexis, please." It was futile effort, Alexis was too far gone.

"No! Don't tell me to calm down!" Tears were streaming down her face again. "Dad was shot! He's dying!"

Neither of the women saw Kate round the corner on her way back to the waiting room.

"And it's all Beckett's fault!" Alexis screamed.

Kate stopped short in the doorway. The air seemed to fly out of her lungs at Alexis's words. Martha saw her behind Alexis and blanched. Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, and Jim, who'd been avoiding the Castles' argument until now, stared in silence. They all wanted to say something, but somehow none of them could come up with diffusing words.

Kate felt fresh tears burn her eyes. She couldn't believe Alexis blamed her for this.

"Alexis, I – " Kate walked tentatively forward, but was stopped by the slap of Alexis's palm against her face.

"Kate!" Jim Beckett yelled out instinctively.

"Leave it alone!" Kate said back before her father could approach. "Alexis, you have to listen to me."

"No, _Kate_." Kate winced at the venom in the girl's voice. "You have to listen to me."

Alexis paused as if daring the detective to contradict her again, slightly unnerved when she was met with silence. The realization of everyone staring at her, to appalled to speak, sent Alexis back into a sobbing mess.

"This is all your fault!" She cried between breaths. "If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have even been at that funeral! If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have jumped in front of the bullet! If it wasn't for you… your boyfriend wouldn't have let my dad die!"

Gasps sounded throughout the room as Alexis realized what she'd said. Castle was still alive as far as they knew, but she was so angry that she couldn't see past needed to hurt Kate as badly as she believed Kate had hurt her.

No one spoke. No one moved. Kate was sure her heart stopped. Why did no one tell her? Why did no one say anything? Why did no one mention that while she was gone, foolishly attacking Josh, her partner, the love of her life had stopped breathing…

"No." Kate whispered.

"Kate, it's not what…" Ryan started, but never finished because by the time the words were out of his mouth, she was gone.

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><p>It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. She was going to wake up tomorrow and go into work. They'd catch a body and she'd call him and he'd bring her coffee. They'd laugh, they'd teased, they'd solve the crime, and all the puzzle pieces would fit because Richard Castle was not, could not, be dead.<p>

Alexis was right though, it was all her fault. She shouldn't have let him get so close to her, she shouldn't have ever let him out into the field. She killed him.

She slammed the bathroom door locked behind her and sobbed.

"_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_


	4. Chapter 4

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Do you see any Caskett babies? Then no, I don't own them.

Author's Note 1: Thank you so much for the amazing response to this story! I'm so happy you guys are enjoying it!

Author's Note 2: THE FIRST PART OF THIS FIC IS DIRECTLY FROM CHAPTER 2! It was a flashback then, now we're in real time. I'm just including the whole thing to give context. Also, writing this fic is giving me WAY too many feels. I may or may not have spontaneously burst into tears backstage at rehearsal today….

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><p>"<em>I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"<em>

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kate sobbed into her hands as she slid down the wall, crumbling into a ball on the cold, tiled floor, It had all gone wrong, so horribly, horribly wrong, and it was all her fault.

"Beckett open up!" Esposito's voice rang through the bathroom walls and his frantic pulling on the door shook the mirror above Kate's head.

"Go away!" she screamed. Kate knew she was being hideously childish, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Being mature, strong, and independent had lead her down a three year train wreck on the way to hell…childishness felt good.

"Beckett, don't you dare. I will take down this door!" Esposito was angrier, but his voice fell softer on the Detective's ears. It didn't matter anymore. There was only one voice that could get her to unlock that door, and by now, it was lying on a slab in the morgue.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Kate repeated the mantra into her wet, salty hands. If she said it long enough, maybe the two little words would start to mean something. Maybe if she cried hard enough, she could bring him back.

"Beckett, don't make me do this…" Esposito warned. Kate did hear him; couldn't hear him. Even her friend's threatening words couldn't drown out the cacophony of voices screaming in her head. _You killed him…you killed him…you worthless bitch…you heartless whore…you should've seen the gun…you should be the one who's dead…_

"NO!" Beckett screamed. At that, Esposito came crashing through the door. Kate leapt back at the sound, expecting an attack, but the other detective stood still. Javier Esposito had seen a lot. He'd been through war, he'd lived through seemingly endless homicides, but nothing he'd ever seen could have prepared him for the picture in front of him. Kate Beckett, fearless Detective Katherine Beckett, youngest female detective in history, was crouched on a bathroom floor, tears soaking her usually thick skin. Her hair was a tangled mess, her shirt was torn from her own clawing, and her once-vibrant eyes sunk deep into her body.

"Oh, Becks…"

Kate let out a strangled sob at the endearment and caved to the next onslaught of tears.

Esposito gently knelt at her side, and Kate buried her face in his arms.

As he stroked the detective's hair, Esposito finally felt a burning tear run down his cheek.

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><p>"I need two pints O+! Now!"<p>

beepbeepbeep

"Clamping!"

beepbeepbeep

"We're losing him!"

beepbeepbeep

"Come on, stay with us!"

beepbeepbeep

"Heart rate dropping!"

beepbeepbeep

"Get him steady!"

beep… … …

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><p><em>He was floating. There was no other word for it. The places, the people, the things he was seeing were all real, yet somehow he could not get his feet to touch the ground. He was nowhere and everywhere at once. The loft, the Hamptons, the precinct, the coffee shop, Alexis' school all drifted around him in random, meaningless circles. Circles that all ended in a cemetery. A cemetery? Why was he here? No one had died. Not that he could remember. He was alone, surrounded by gravestones of people he'd never known. Why did he keep coming back here? Every time he seemed to cycle through the places in his life, he always ended up here, and for longer and longer each time. <em>

_Without warning, his feet finally hit the ground, and he turned, trying to find the reason behind his morbid surroundings. _

"_Rick." _

_He spun around, still finding himself alone. He tried to ask who was there, but could not seem to make sound leave his body. _

"_Rick."_

_He heard it again. With nothing else to go on, he began slowly walking towards the sound. It was better than standing alone. _

"_Rick!" _

_It became frantic, and he found himself subconsciously picking up his pace. _

"_Castle!" _

_He started running. It was in pain, it was so familiar. It needed him. His heart was thumping audibly and his breath was short, but he kept running. He knew he needed to get there, wherever there was, or something horrible was going to happen. _

"_CASTLE!" _

_He barreled forward, but then he was falling. He hit the ground with a sickening crunch. His head silently screaming he turned slightly and he saw the tombstone he'd tripped over. _

_Montgomery. _

_That wasn't right. That couldn't be right. He'd just had Roy over for poker the other night. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. He wasn't dead. _

_No, he reasoned. Montgomery couldn't be dead because he was standing right in front of him. He sunk his fingers into the dirt and pulled himself forward. His legs were in far too much pain to try walking. He wanted to shout to Montgomery for help, but he still couldn't find his voice. He reached the cop's heels, and tugged gently at his dress pant hems. The cop seemed to pay him no mind. What was going on? He peered around Montgomery's legs, and felt his heart stop. _

_This was not Roy Montgomery. There was no way in hell this was the Captain of the 12th Precinct, his friend, his confidant. There was no way this was the same man who put everything on the line to get him his position with his detective family. He knew it. It was a fact, an irrefutable fact. _

_This was not Roy Montgomery because Roy Montgomery was not holding a gun to Katherine Beckett's heart. _

"_Kate!" _

_He tried to scream. He screamed over and over and over again. His throat felt like it was bleeding, but he couldn't make her hear him. This wasn't happening. _

_He tore at Montgomery's pants in a frenzied effort to distract him, but neither he nor the sobbing detective seemed to notice he was there. _

_He was completely helpless. _

"_I'm not going to jail for this, Kate." _

"_Roy, please."_

"_I can't put my family through that." _

_He watched in horror as Detective Beckett begged for her life. No, not Detective Beckett; Kate. A woman terrified of dying for reasons she couldn't understand by a man she trusted like a father. _

"_That's why you brought me here, isn't it?" _

"_I'm so sorry, Kate." _

_He felt the earth drop out from under him as a blast sent a bullet through the love of his life… _

"KATE! KATE!"

"Strap him down!"

"KATE! NO!"

Rick Castle didn't know where he was, or why scary green people with giant white mouths were pinning him to a freezing table, or why everyone seemed to be shouting at him, but none of it mattered. He needed to escape. He needed to get to Kate. If there was even a chance he could stop the bleeding, then maybe…maybe they would be okay.

"Let me go!" Rick hollered to the alien clutching his arm.

"Mr. Castle, you have stay still!"

"She needs me!" Whirring voices and mechanic sounds swirled around his blurry vision. One of the aliens moved into his vision and he swung out his arm, effectively sending the alien crashing into a metal stand with long, clear tentacles. One of the tentacles ripped from his arm, sending searing pain through his limbs.

"Knock him out now!" One of the aliens screamed.

They couldn't though. He had to keep fighting. He would escape them. He had to. He had to save her.

"I'm coming, Katie." He whispered to himself as he fell back into oblivion.

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><p>Javier Esposito and Kate Beckett sat in silence, her head resting gently on his shoulder, his arms protectively wrapped around her exhausted body. She'd long since stopped crying, but only for a physical lack of tears. Every so often a dry sob escaped her mouth, only serving to remind her just how broken she was. She couldn't even cry.<p>

Somewhere, in the middle of her earlier hysterics, she'd calmed down enough to hear Esposito tell her that Castle wasn't dead. It took convincing, but she knew her friend would never lie to her about something like this. She believed him. Castle was alive. It should have been enough to restore her hope, to send her running back to the waiting room to wait for news, but it wasn't. She still felt like she was dying. At the end of the day, dead or not dead, Castle was in the hospital because of her, and she refused to move because of it. How could she justify being in the same room with his mother and daughter?

"Javi, is this really happening?" she asked. Her voice was cracking with fatigue and dryness.

Esposito sighed. She needed the truth, but he felt like a bastard telling her that all of this was real.

"Yeah, chica. I'm sorry."

Silence pervaded again.

"I can't go back there." She managed a little more forcefully.

"Yes, you can."

"No, Javi, I can't." she paused, "I don't deserve to."

Esposito sat up straight and turned her face to look into her eyes.

"You, Becks, of all people, deserve to be there when he wakes up."

"No, dammit, Javi, I – "

"For once in your life, just shut up and listen, Beckett."

This seemed to effectively quiet her, but Esposito could practically hear the thoughts banging around in her head, and he knew Castle was the only one who could quell that noise…

"I've worked with you for years…years even before Castle pulled the stick out of your ass…"

Kate glared. Esposito smiled. He found her.

"…and I can tell you that you've never been happier than the moments when he's at your side. Even when it's late, and we're stuck, and we're ready to kill each other, he makes you happy."

"I – "

"Don't even try and deny it, Beckett. I know you know."

She turned her head away in embarrassment, but Esposito just turned her right back.

"I think you also know, that you make him just as happy."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit, Beckett."

"I don't!" She yelled, somehow finding the emotional strength to launch herself to her feet. "I don't know how you can sit there and tell me this and expect me to think everything is fine! I can't do that!"

"Why the hell not?" His words were biting, but he knew he had her.

"Because I love him!" she screamed.

Her confession echoed in the walls as her eyes bore into Esposito's, daring him to laugh at her.

"Then go prove it." He said simply.

"What?"

"Go back into that room, and prove it. Go support his family, go hug your dad, and be there for him when he wakes up."

"I can't." She backed away.

"Yes you can." Esposito gently grabbed her arm, "You're the strongest person I've ever met, Detective Katherine Beckett. You can do this."

She looked up at him, seriously considering running again.

"What if they hate me?" She asked.

"They won't."

"But what if-"

"They won't, Beckett. I promise. They might yell, or scream, or stare, but no one in that room will ever hate you. You don't have to do this alone."

Esposito pulled Kate into a reassuring embrace, his last words echoing in her memory; reminding her of the first time she'd heard them from a certain writer's lips. Hearing his voice in her head from all those years ago, Kate knew she had to go back. She had to hear him speak again. She had to watch him hug Alexis, and make pancakes, and tell stupid jokes, and bring her coffee every morning.

"Okay." She whispered into Esposito's shoulder. It was quiet, but there was a slight confidence back in her voice that made the other detective's heart soar. It was going to be okay.

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><p>Holy crappers, this chapter was hard to write! No worries. The actual Caskett is starting soon! I have a lot of angsty feels, but I can't actually handle the concept of them not being happy for more than 5-6 chapters... SOON! =D Please let me know what you think! 3<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm actually Andrew Marlowe, so MINE! Please don't ruin my story with your logic… =(

Authors note: This chapter hated me. I don't know why, but it just did not want to be written. I think I like it now though. =P

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><p><em>"Okay." She whispered into Esposito's shoulder. It was quiet, but there was a slight confidence back in her voice that made the other detective's heart soar. It was going to be okay.<em>

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><p>"Katie!" Jim Beckett ran to his daughter as Esposito nearly carried Kate back into the waiting room. She felt like dead weight in his arms when he took her from the detective, but despite her haggard appearance, he was relived to see she looked a little more at peace. Lanie held out her arms, and Jim gently sat Kate down by her friend before turning back to Esposito.<p>

"Where'd you find her?" Jim asked quietly. The younger man sighed.

"She locked herself in the bathroom down the hall," he paused at the increase concern in Jim's face, "but it's okay now," he added hastily, "she's okay."

"Does know about Rick?" Jim asked.

"Yeah," Esposito said, "She wouldn't believe it at first, but she knows now."

"She's still blaming herself, isn't she." Jim stated more than asked. He knew his daughter. He knew that when the chips fell at the end of the day, his little girl held herself responsible for all of them. He knew it, and he hated it.

Esposito glanced over at Lanie and Kate and sighed.

"Yeah. She is." No point in sugarcoating the obvious.

Jim nodded to the detective and slowly walked towards his daughter and her friend. Lanie looked up and carefully switched places with him so that Kate was now resting on his shoulder. The M.E. walked back over to Esposito and they crossed the room to give the Becketts some space. They made an awfully awkward bunch, paired off in grieving twosomes, circling around the waiting room…

"Hey, kid." Jim whispered into his daughter's hair. Kate gingerly looked up at him, a small smile finally gracing her face.

"Dad." She turned to give him a real hug, his presence briefly bringing her back from her cloudy thoughts.

"I won't ask if you're okay."

Kate gave a small, bitter laugh at his decision. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither knowing what to say. What was there to say? Jim didn't want to push Kate away again with what he wanted to say, and Kate didn't want to hear what she already knew. That was that, and just like after her mother's murder, they settled for silence.

Off in the corner, Alexis Castle sat curled up next to her grandmother. She knew she should go apologize to Detective Beckett, but knowing something and doing said something turned out to be very different things, so the redhead compromised by playing with the fraying run in her stockings. When had doing the right thing become so complicated? How was it that everyone around her seemed to know exactly what to do, but she managed to mess everything up with each word that came out of her mouth? Slowly looking up, Alexis let her gaze wander around the room.

A few chairs down from her sat a little boy, fast asleep in his father's arms. The man looked haggard and sweaty, and clearly just as stressed about his loved one as Alexis herself. In the opposite corner across from her sat the four hunched figures of Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, and Jenny. She shoved back tears at the sight. In hurting Kate, she'd hurt every one of them as well. Why was it so hard to accept that there were others in her father's life now who loved him like she did? She forced her eyes away from the grieving group and in doing so found herself starting at the Becketts. She couldn't look away this time. Even in her 30s, Kate looked as innocent and terrified as Alexis, curled up in her father's arms. It was unnerving. In her head, Alexis saw Detective Beckett as, well, Detective Beckett – a head-strong, no nonsense, independent woman who didn't have the time or patience for silly emotions like fear or true love. The woman Alexis saw now wasn't any of those things. She was just Kate. She was practically Alexis. She was a hurt child with no certainty about her future who needed to cling to her father in order to make sense of chaos around her…she was a woman who was in no way responsible for Richard Castle's actions.

Alexis let out the breath she didn't know she was holding and gently untangled herself from Martha's embrace. Genuinely wanting to apologize made approaching Kate much harder, but it gave Alexis the resolve she needed.

"Um, Mr. Beckett…" Alexis started. She'd never technically met Kate's father and these were the last circumstances she'd ever imagined for making a first impression.

Jim and Kate Beckett looked up at the timid voice, but didn't respond.

"Um, could I talk to Detective Beckett for a minute?"

The older man smiled softly at the redhead's formality and graciously joined Martha on the other side of the room. The young girl may have said horrible things to his daughter, but he'd known Kate to say worse after her mother's death, and he recognized the remorse in Alexis' eyes.

Kate and Alexis sat awkwardly, neither willing to give the other full eye contact just yet. Kate was still pulling herself together and she didn't know if she could survive another onslaught from Castle's daughter. She looked over to her father, silently pleading for him to come back, but the look he sent her told her she was stuck. Esposito's words from earlier echoed in her head. _"__Go back into that room, and prove it. Go support his family, go hug your dad, and be there for him when he wakes up."_ She could do this. She loved Alexis. She was terrified, but she could handle this.

"Alexis –""Detective –"

Kate cracked a small smile. She'd never been on this side of this particular conversation before, and she wondered if Alexis knew that all she wanted was for the younger woman not to hate her.

"You go." Kate offered.

Alexis struggled to find the right words.

"I…" she paused. This was harder than she thought.

"It's okay – ""I'm sorry –"

The two looked at each other and managed to share a grin.

"Wow, we're good at this, huh." Kate said with a half-hearted laugh. Alexis' smile faded.

"Why aren't you furious with me?" she asked.

Kate's heart broke for the girl. She knew how serious the question was. After her mother's death, the amount of times she'd begged her dad for forgiveness for her anger was unthinkable. She never understood why her dad had never punished her. Not until now. Why was it that simple?

"You didn't do anything wrong." Kate responded simply. Alexis was stunned.

"But…but I did! How can you say –"

"Listen." Kate said firmly. She grasped Alexis' hand, not quite sure that anything she said was going to convince Castle's daughter that she wasn't an emotional pariah. "I know what it feels like, Alexis. I know what it feels like to have the earth fall out from under you and not know who to blame."

"Your mother." Alexis whispered.

"I wasn't any better, Alexis. I screamed, I blamed my father, I blamed myself, I made some of the dumbest decisions of my life."

"But that doesn't justify what I did!" Alexis insisted. She wasn't sure why, but she needed Kate to be angry with her, she needed Kate to tell her she was wrong. Kate paused at the outburst.

"No, it doesn't." she admitted. "Nothing ever justifies hurting someone else," Kate took a breath, realizing the truth of her words despite her undying promises to hunt down her mother's killer, "but sometimes, it's okay not to be justified."

"I don't understand."

"You're seventeen years old, Alexis. You're father was…your father was shot in front of you. You have _every right_ to be angry. You're right, what you did was rash and hurtful and it terrified me…but I don't think any less of you for it."

Kate watched the water pooling in Alexis' eyes and realized she was crying again as well…damn.

"You're really not mad?" Alexis asked still unbelievingly.

"I'm still really hurt, I won't lie about that," said Kate, "but I still love you, and I'm still here, and we're gonna get through this."

"It wasn't your fault." Alexis said, still needed Kate to know just how awful she felt.

"I know." Kate replied. It was the automatic answer, and she knew she wouldn't have said anything else, but in that moment, those two little words made Kate glow. She did it…and she meant them.

"Richard Castle's family!"

Eight bodies jumped up at the doctor's voice and Martha ran forward.

"Is my son alright? Please, is he okay?"

"He's stable, Miss."

Sighs of relief filled the room.

"Can we see him?" Alexis asked eagerly.

The silence was tangible as they waited for the doctor's reply.

"He may have visitors, but I'm afraid you won't get much out of –"

"What's wrong?" Kate cut him off. The doctor sighed.

"He collapsed twice during surgery and we had to sedate him when he came back. He's lost a lot of blood, and there's no telling what effects might occur from the collapses."

"What does that mean?" Martha asked.

"It means we won't know if everything's okay until he wakes up…if he wakes up…his vitals are stable, but the surgery was extremely risk-heavy so he's not out of the woods yet."

"But he's alive." Kate more stated than said, needing the reassurance.

"Yes. For now, he's alive."

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><p>Please press the pretty blue button if you enjoyed! Thank you for reading. =D<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 6

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long! School/life has been a hot mess this week.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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><p>"<em>Yes. For now, he's alive."<em>

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><p>He was floating again. He hated floating. Why was he always floating? The last time he was floating…Kate got shot. Kate! Where was she? Where was he? He couldn't tell. He knew he had to get to the cemetery, but he didn't know where the cemetery was. Kate… He couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop Montgomery. He couldn't stop anything. He was stuck watching as time barreled ahead and consumed her again and again. He couldn't keep her safe. She was gone.<p>

"_Richard."_

Someone was calling his name…it sounded like his mother…

Oh god. Not again.

Was that what this was? Was he stuck in some sort of hell where everyone he ever loved was killed in front of him while he stood there helplessly?

"_Richard!" _

His mother's voice grew louder…just like Kate's had before he found her. No, please no.

"_Dad!" _

Alexis! No. No, this wasn't happening. He couldn't lose his little girl too. Why was this happening? Why couldn't he save them?

"_Daddy!" _

He screamed at his brain to make his limbs move, but he stayed still. He couldn't even try to help them. He had to move. He needed to move! He was damned if he was going to give up. Please. Just move. Just an inch. Just one damned inch! He could do this!

After what felt like hours of effort, he felt a small tingling in his fingers. It wasn't much, but it was a start. He was elated. He could do this. Slowly, surely, he felt his fingers twitch. He reached out to grasp at anything that could tell him where he was. He didn't have to go far. Something warm and soft intertwined itself with his hand. He gently squeezed back, trying to figure out what it was.

"_DAD!" _

Alexis' shrill scream echoed in his ears. She was close. So close. Why was she screaming? She shouldn't be screaming! Where was she?

"_Dad, are you there?" _

There were tears and desperation in her voice. What was happening to her? Where was there?

"_Dad, please come back!" _

He hadn't gone anywhere. Did he? Did she think he was abandoning her? He would never!

"_Dad, please!" _

The pain in her voice sent life into his limbs and he was free.

"Alexis!" he seemed to scream blindly as soon as he found his voice. "Alexis, I'm coming! Hold on!"

"Dad?" Alexis shrieked. She was ecstatic that he was awake, but she never thought he'd wake up like this… "Dad, stop! You have to stay still! Please!"

Her words seemed to have little effect as Castle continued thrashing against the various tubes and wires connected to his body in a futile attempt to rescue his daughter.

"Dad, I'm okay!" Alexis shouted as reassuringly as she could. "I'm okay." Her voice connected with the soft hand she lay against his chest to make him lie down seemed to calm him.

"Dad?" Alexis asked hesitatingly.

Castle blinked his eyes open forcing his racing mind to make sense of the shaking red blur in front of him. His body protested as he slowly began to gain back the feeling in his limbs. What the hell happened? His entire body ached with fatigue, his skin was coated in layers of sweat, and his throat screamed for want of water. His only relief came when the sight of his daughter cleared in front of him.

"Alexis?" He rasped.

"Daddy!" She shrieked. "You're here! Don't move! I'm going to call the doctor!"

Alexis ran out of the room, leaving a still-confused Richard Castle in her wake. Well, he certainly wasn't going anywhere, so she needn't worry about that. With the way he felt now, he didn't want to move ever again.

Did she say something about a doctor?

"Richard!" His mother burst into his room in another rush of red hair and threw her arms around his front.

"Owwwww." He drew out quietly, still too sore to yell.

"Oh, I'm so sorry darling!" Martha jumped back at her son's obvious pain and drew her hand softly over his cheek. "I'm just so happy!"

"What happened?" He asked.

Martha was about to answer when Alexis came bounding back into the room, practically dragging Castle's doctor behind her.

"Nice to see you awake, Mr. Castle. How are we feeling?" The doctor asked.

Castle stared at him incredulously. The man was far too cheery, and if he looked as bad as he felt, then obviously, he was feeling horrible.

"What happened?" He asked again. Telling the doctor how much pain he was in was not going to make it go away. He just wanted to know what happened to him. The doctor's smile faltered as he looked to Martha and Alexis who seemed to silently nod.

"You were shot, Mr. Castle." Castle raised his eyebrows. "Do you not remember?"

"I…I don't know. I remember…a cemetery?" He tried. His heart fell at the looks from his mother and daughter. "Oh, god…Roy…" Tears pricked at his eyes. That part was real. Montgomery really was dead.

And if Montgomery was really dead…

"Kate." He whispered.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Castle?" The doctor asked.

"Where's Kate? Is she alright?" He pleaded. His voice cracked under the pressure of trying to shout.

"Richard, she's fine." Martha soothed with a sad smile. "You really don't remember, do you?" She asked compassionately.

"Remember what? Mother, what happened to her? You said she was fine!" He was beginning to panic. He hated not having the full picture.

"And she is, darling…you saved her..."

"So then, the bullet…" He reasoned.

"…was meant for her." His mother finished. "Yes."

Castle took a deep breath and tried to wrap his head around the fragments of memory.

"You're a fool, darling. A brave, loving one, but a fool." Martha chided.

"You're jut learning this, mother?" He grinned. Alexis and Martha beamed at his sense of humor's return. "Can I see her? Is she here?" He asked eagerly.

"Yeah, dad, she's right – "

"Why don't I go see if I can find her…" Martha cut Alexis off. Alexis looked confused, because she knew Kate was standing outside the room listening to every word, but she conceded to the look on her grandmother's face.

"Yeah. Okay." Alexis said. "I'll stay here." She smiled at her dad and moved over to sit next to the bed.

"I'll be right back, Richard." Martha said reassuringly, though to whom, she wasn't sure.

"Thank you, Mother." Castle said.

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><p>Martha found Kate exactly where she expected to.<p>

"Kate?" Martha asked as she tried to shake the detective from her reverie.

It wasn't going to be an easy feat. After Castle hit the ground, Martha had run over to Kate and her son with a speed only a mother could muster. She'd been so fast that she'd overheard Kate pleading with Castle...she overheard Kate tell him "I love you." Moments ago, when Castle told her he didn't remember the shooting she knew she needed to talk to Kate. That "I love you." was the one anchor forcing Kate to confront her feelings. Now that Castle didn't remember, Martha had a sinking feeling that the girl was going to run.

"Kate, I know –"

"He doesn't remember." Kate said. A simple enough statement, but Martha could hear the dam threatening to break behind her voice. "Three years, three whole years, and he doesn't remember."

"Kate, I'm sure that if he could – "

"If he could what?" Kate spat. "If he could remember then everything would be okay? If he could stop acting like a hero? Like a cop? If he could stop trying to get himself killed?" Kate paused, her breath ragged. "Say it, Martha. 'If he could stop thinking she's worth saving, then none of this would have happened.'"

"Katherine Beckett." Martha's voice was deadly and it certainly had its desired effect. Kate shut up immediately. She'd never heard Castle's mother talk like that. She wasn't even sure she'd ever heard her own mother talk like that. "My son almost died today. I know you have some idea what that feels like, which is why I don't have to tell you that I want nothing more in this world than to see the person responsible rotting in his grave. I don't need to tell you that this isn't your fault, Kate. You know that if I felt that way, you wouldn't be standing here now. You're not the reason he was shot, you're the reason he pulled through." Martha paused, considering if she wanted to say what was really on her mind. "I'm not angry with you for what happened, but I swear to you Detective Beckett, if you run from him now, when he needs you most, you will never be allowed in his life again. Do you understand me?"

The two women stood staring at each other, not quite sure where or when to make the next move. Kate finally sighed and accepted that she needed to say something. Anything.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't great, but most of what Kate actually wanted to say needed to be said to a very different member of the Castle family.

"Don't be sorry, Kate." Martha responded. "Just don't be stupid."

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><p>Hope you enjoyed! Caskett is happening next chapter! YAY! If I never update again, it's because "Always" killed me. Just saying. Please review! It makes me smile. =D<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine. All the genius is Andrew Marlowe's.

Author's Note: Sorry this is on the short side. I didn't want their whole conversation to be smushed into one chapter.

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><p>"<em>Don't be sorry, Kate." Martha responded. "Just don't be stupid."<em>

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><p>A soft knock at the door broke the sweet, silent moment between father and daughter. Alexis smiled, knowingly.<p>

"Come in, Kate!" She said excitedly. Castle's smile grew. Even if he hadn't wanted to see Kate as desperately as he did, he didn't have the voice to stop his eager little girl.

Kate timidly pushed the door open and peeked her head through the crack, still unsure if she was entirely welcome.

"Castle." She said softly.

"Beckett." He responded with the same gentle formality.

Awkward silence permeated the group.

"I think I'm going to get a snack…" Alexis said as she discretely backed out the door, leaving the partners alone.

Kate and Rick stared at one another, taking in the realization that they were both alive and breathing and okay.

"How are you feeling?" Kate broke the silence.

"Fantastic, actually." He replied. "It took three years, but I finally have the battle scars to prove I'm one of you…" He trailed off. He'd been trying to make a joke, take his mind off the pain and take Kate's off the fact that he'd almost died, but it wasn't funny. Not today. He sighed and cursed himself for the pained look in her eyes. "I'm okay." He tried again soberly. "I'm in a lot of pain, but the doctor said I should make a full recovery."

Kate felt a small smile at hearing him say he was going to be okay.

"I really wish you didn't have to see me like this though," he continued, "I must look like hell." Kate would've teased him for his vanity, but the sincerity in his voice spoke volumes. She knew that tone. The "please dear god, don't look at me when I'm vulnerable" tone. There really wasn't anything she could say to make it go away.

"I'd say you'll be okay, but I don't think that's what you want to hear right now." She practically whispered.

"You'd be surprised." He said with a bittersweet smile.

"Castle, I'm – "

"Kate, can you come sit with me?" Castle asked. Kate's immediate flight response was to say 'hell no', but somehow it didn't feel like the right response anymore. He wasn't telling her, he wasn't making a come on, he just wanted to be with her.

"Of course."

Kate walked slowly across the room and Castle's smile brightened when she chose to sit next to him on the bed instead of pulling up the visitor's chair. Being close enough to hear him alive and breathing calmed Kate to the point where she didn't even flinch when Castle's fingers gently encased her own.

Tears prickled behind Castle's eyes. He didn't cry when he woke up in pain, he didn't cry when the doctor told him he'd been shot, he didn't cry when he saw the looks of joy and relief in his family's eyes. He cried now. Kate was alive. He hadn't watched her die. Montgomery hadn't killed her. She was there. She was breathing. She was okay with him holding her hand.

Kate felt the droplets hit their joined hands and it jolted her out of the comforting moment of simply sitting by his side.

"Castle?" She turned her head to look into his eyes. "Oh, Castle."

"Kate." His strangled sob did nothing to quell his feelings.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Castle" Kate frantically whispered. She'd never seen him like this. She honestly thought she never would. Even ten years down the line, she never thought he'd trust her enough to break down in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"Promise me you won't leave." He begged.

"Always." She answered. Castle turned his head into her shoulder and Kate squeezed his hand, affirming her presence until she felt his breathing slow as he fell asleep.

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><p>Castle awoke hours later in significantly less pain due to the morphine drip he'd been administered. As he blinked himself awake, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment at his surroundings. His dreams were wonderful and filled with Kate, and sunshine, and Alexis running on the beach with her younger siblings while Martha and Jim watched from the deck of his Hamptons get away. Reality left, well, much to be desired. The second thing he noticed as he came into consciousness was that his pillow was undoubtedly moving. Not very much, but every couple of seconds he could feel it slowly pulsing up and down, up and down. He tilted his head and realized he was snuggled up to Kate Beckett's chest, her soft breathing creating a calming rhythm against his cheek. He was certain she'd kill him when she woke, so he lay still, content to simply cherish the unforeseen moment.<p>

Gently turning his eyes, Castle allowed himself to really look at his muse. He wasn't happy with what he saw. Earlier, he'd been too ecstatic to see her that he hadn't really taken the time to take in her appearance. She was covered in the grime from the cemetery, her eyes were sunken from lack of sleep, and her cheeks were flushed with the stain of recent crying. Her stomach rumbled and he wondered how long it had been since she'd eaten. He considered waking her, but before he could, he felt her twitch beneath him.

"Kate?" He asked quietly. He sat up a bit to give her space.

"No…no please not now…" Kate murmured.

"Kate?" He asked a little louder. She was clearly having a nightmare.

"Rick, no!" she whimpered. Her head was thrashing back and forth.

"Kate!" His loudest yell didn't really mean much at the moment, but he did it anyway. When it didn't work, he reached up and held her still, gently squeezing her shoulders until she came to. Her breathing returned to normal and he let his arms drop back down with a wince.

"Castle?" She asked softly.

"It was just a dream, Becks." He said. He didn't ask her what it was about. He had a pretty good inkling, but he needed her to bring it up.

"Didn't feel like it."

"I know."

They fell silent again. Kate still hadn't figured out how to tell him everything and Castle was too afraid to push her to do so.

"Are you hungry?" He asked. "Your stomach was making noises."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess." She said. "I don't think I've eaten since lunch yesterday."

That was what he'd assumed.

"Can I call for food? Hospital jello up to your standards, detective?" He smiled.

"Yeah. Sounds perfect." She replied.

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><p>Did you notice that the blue button is fancier now? It's a sign. You should click it.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

If You're Lucky Enough Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I am proud to not own Castle because Andrew got my babies together! *still dying from "Always"*

Author's Note: So sorry this took forever! More sorry that this is not the chapter many of you were expecting. I tried, but Castle and Beckett wouldn't listen. This is the way they want their story and I have to listen to them! As a result, I'm writing a sequel about the aftermath of this story. Thank you so much for being awesome and supportive readers! I love you all!

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><p><em>"Can I call for food? Hospital jello up to your standards, detective?" He smiled.<em>

_"Yeah. Sounds perfect." She replied._

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><p>"You called, Mr. Castle?" A nurse poked her head in through the door.<p>

"Yes. Um, my partner and I haven't eaten in, well, 24 hours, would it be possible to get a snack?" Castle asked.

"Yes of course. I'll be back in a few moments."

Castle turned his attention back to Kate, immensely unhappy that he'd had to break away to talk to his nurse.

"So…" He started.

"So." She sighed.

Damn, and they'd been doing so well…

"Have they told you how long you're going to be here?" Kate asked. Good job. Safe question. Castle's face fell slightly at Kate's obvious dash away from the conversation he wanted to have, but he understood.

"Um, I don't think they're sure yet." He replied. "The doctor said I didn't hit any vital organs, so they're not too worried. Mostly I just lost a lot of blood." He paused.

"But…" Kate encouraged, her concern growing.

"Well, technically that means I can go home in a couple of days," He paused again. "But it's really unlikely that I'll be able to look after myself…" He trailed off.

"And you think your family shouldn't have to take care of you?" Kate asked rhetorically.

"No, I just –"

"Castle." She said firmly. He silenced and waited for whatever chiding criticism was coming, but Kate just smiled. "How many times have you told me that I can't save the world without someone taking care of me every once in a while?" Castle sighed.

"Kate, I don't save the world."

Oh, if she could only find the words to tell him how wrong he was. She wished so desperately that she could just open her mouth and tell him that he's saved her world more times than she can count – more times than she can ever thank him for. It wasn't right though, not like this. This big of a confession deserved more than desperate tears while he was still in a morphine-induced fog, and suddenly she was feeling extremely happy that he didn't remember the shooting.

"Well, there was that one time with the car bomb." She teased, needing to lighten the air again.

To her delight, Castle cracked a small smile at the memory.

"Yeah, that was pretty awesome." His smile didn't last very long though. "It's not that I don't think they should have to take care of me, it's just," he paused, "I feel guilty taking up their time…"

"Castle, that's kind of the same thing." Kate replied. "And trust me, they'll be happy to help."

"Oh please, Kate, would _you_ be happy to help?" He bit back in frustration not really thinking about what he'd inadvertently asked. Kate's eyes widened at his question. Maybe that was what she could do to show him how much she really cared?

"Yeah, I thought so." Castle sighed.

"What?" Kate asked.

"You didn't say anything. You just…I shouldn't have even said-"

"I'd love to." Kate said.

"What?" Castle asked in confusion. She'd love to what?

"To take care of you." She clarified. "I want to help you get better."

Castle was speechless. This was certainly not where he thought this conversation was heading.

"Kate, what are you talking about?" he asked, now slightly frustrated. Kate sat up straight. He needed to know that this wasn't a pity gesture.

"I want to be there for you, Rick." They both paused at her use of his given name, but he chose not to comment. "You don't want your mother to take care of you and you don't want Alexis to cancel her summer program plans, and, well, I was thinking, if you'd let me, that maybe I could stay with you?" Kate mentally kicked herself. She hadn't really wanted that last part to be a question. She really wanted him to know that she wanted this, whatever it was, just as much as he did.

"Um…well…" He semi-stuttered. Of course, with their timing, that was when the nurse chose to waltz back in with their food.

"Here you are Mr. Castle." The nurse said smilingly. "Just let me know if there's anything else…"

Kate's not-so-subtle cough combined with her infamous death glare sent the poor woman running.

"But you appear to be fine, so I'll just leave you alone now." The nurse rattled off before nearly running out of the room. Kate took a moment to smirk smugly at the woman's retreating figure before turning her apprehensive attention back to her partner.

"You were saying, Castle?" she asked shyly. Kate swiftly popped a handful of crackers into her mouth, effectively keeping Castle from asking her a follow-up question.

Castle stared back at her blankly. Between the morphine clouding his brain, the emotional turmoil of the past 48 hours, and the seemingly alien change in his partner's personality, he honestly didn't know what to say. Was she actually offering to stay with him? If she was, did she mean as a friend or as whatever they were slowly becoming? Was he imagining that she had feelings for him? Was she a pod person? Assuming all of that was irrelevant and she was telling the truth, was she only saying it because he'd been shot? Was she going to run again when he got better?

Dammit what was taking him so long? There was only so long that Kate could pretend that she still had crackers in her mouth…

"I want you to be with me." He blurted out.

What? Um. What? That was not what she was preparing for at all. Damned morphine…Lanie was right about the truth serum theory.

"Castle…what?" Kate stuttered. Castle paused at the panic in her eyes. Oh. OH! He hadn't meant it like that! Well, maybe he had a little, but that wasn't what he was implying.

"Kate, please stay with me." He paused. "I would really like it if you stayed to help out."

Kate bit her tongue to keep her massive sigh of relief out of earshot. He just wanted her to do what she offered. To stay with him and help him get better. Yes. Good. Better…in his loft…for an unknown amount of time…helping him do things he can't do on his own…like dress…and shower…and…why was this a good idea again?

"You've got a deal, Castle." She somehow managed to say without shaking. The fear was well worth it for the way his eyes lit up.

"Really? You mean it?" He asked, not bothering to hide his enthusiasm.

"Always." Said Kate.

She reached out and squeezed his hand. A huge part of her regretted not talking about the elephant in the room, but she knew she'd made the right choice. They'd spent so much time living in a land of innuendo and unfinished business and when they finally happened, Kate wanted there to be no doubts about either of their feelings. She needed him to be healthy and present for that conversation and that was never going to happen in a hospital. At least now, she had plenty of time to prove to him how ready she was for them. With a sigh, Kate dropped her head back down onto Castle's shoulder, ignoring the growling in her stomach for the still-untouched snacks. They could wait. Everything could wait. Nothing mattered except the feeling of being wrapped in Richard Castle's arms.

Outside the room, a small band of friends smiled and wiped tears from their eyes.

"Finally." Martha whispered.

* * *

><p>WOOO! This is the first multi-chap I've ever finished and I can't tell you guys how much you made it happen. I love the Castle community! Drop me a line.<p> 


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